Looking for a little advice about your relationship? Perhaps you have questions about parenting in Europe? Ask Andrea! Our social worker, Andrea Liss will pick one question a month and answer it in our mid-month bulletin. You can submit your questions anonymously to her at https://bit.ly/MFSEAndreaSFME.
Dear Community,
October is a very important month for spouses and their partners at Military Family Services. October is the launch month for the Healthy Relationships Campaign. The Healthy Relationships Campaign is an education drive regarding family and spousal relationships. I have worked in several settings such as hospitals, universities, and community and private clinics and know of no other program like it. As a Canadian military family, one of the behind-the-scenes groups working hard to ensure you have the most up-to-date information on relationships is a working group known as the Gender-Based Violence team. Canadian Forces Moral and Welfare Services (CFMWS) executes this work with funding from Women and Gender Equality Canada (WAGE).
As a military community, we are privileged to have access to this dedicated group of individuals who are solely responsible for researching and then sharing on the topic of Canadian Military Families in intimate relationships. They work tirelessly behind the scenes to ensure that CAF couples and families have access to critical knowledge about relationships- from abusive, unhealthy, struggling, to healthy ones. Their year’s work culminates in the Healthy Relationships Campaign and is when they really get to shine.
In honour of the 2023 Healthy Relationships Campaign, I have decided to share a few observations about domestic violence. I have been with MFS Europe for two years and in clinical practice for twenty-three years. I am one of two Military Family Services Europe Social Workers. I have hands-on experience working with victims and perpetrators of domestic violence. In my time working with military families, I have noticed a number of systems issues specific to the OUTCAN experience which undermine the military’s well-intentioned stance on domestic violence. I’d like to briefly outline a few systems issues that would benefit from consideration in the service of supporting families affected by family violence.
The Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) has taken a position on domestic violence by way of a policy. There is what is known as a “DAOD” with respect to family violence. A DAOD is a Defense Administrative Order and Directive. The current DAOD for Domestic Violence can be found here https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/corporate/policies-standards/defence-administrative-orders-directives/5000-series/5044/5044-4-family-violence.html This is an important document to familiarize yourself with whether you are a CAF member or spouse. This important directive lets members of the organization know that family violence is not condoned in the CAF and empowers members to assume this stance with colleagues.
Despite encouraging members to speak up about domestic violence, the systems which support certain administrative functions of an OUTCAN posting can be problematic for spouses. What follows is a brief description of some of the ways I have seen well- intentioned administrative policies leave non-CAF spouses at risk.
Banking
In certain European countries, Canadian couples open a joint bank account with the CAF member as the primary account holder. The primary account holder has decisional power over the account. This is a problem in domestic violence as perpetrators will choose not to share the family’s financial status with their spouse, leaving a spouse in the dark as to how money is being spent and accrued.
Challenges with Canadian spouses and “permissions” to work
Earning a living while OUTCAN can be an area of difficulty for CAF spouses. Spouses who are unable to have access to earning their own money are at greater risk of financial abuse.
Challenges due Movement/Transportation and BGRS (formerly Brookfield Global Relocation Services)
Spouses can be left in the dark regarding details of the pack and load dates and furniture delivery dates as they are not privy to this information from Movement and Transportation and nor are they the registered account holder at BGRS. Travel claim reimbursements for costs accrued while in temporary housing that do not go directly to a spouse can leave CAF spouses at financial disadvantage.
Please have a look at the 2023 Healthy Relationships Campaign. There is important information on the dissolution of a relationship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X02NMdBNves and what to consider in assessing the health of your relationship https://cfmws.ca/CFMWS/media/images/documents/3.0%20Support%20Services/3.7.1.1/MFS-TIPSHEET-Intimate-Relationship-ContinuumAndChart-230919-EN.pdf. If you are interested in an overview of the Healthy Relationships Campaign click here https://jmvfh.utpjournals.press/doi/full/10.3138/jmvfh-2021-0014
If you are a CAF member or spouse and would like support for any reason at all, please consider reaching out to a friend, an elder in your community, or a professional. Not sure if you should seek help? Click here for more information as to why seeking support may be the very best thing for you. https://cfmws.ca/support-services/health-wellness/healthyrelationships/tip-sheets/seeking-support-and-resources
Regardless of whether you are a victim or actor of violence, if you are seeking professional support and are OUTCAN, please reach out to MFS Social Work and we will help you in a discrete, dignified and respectful manner. MFSSocialWork@cfmws.com
If you would like to pose a question for the Ask Andrea column, please send your anonymous question to https://bit.ly/MFSEAndreaSFME and Andrea will do her best to share some of her ideas.
Andrea has a master’s degree in Social Work and is a Registered Social Worker (Ontario) with over 20 years of experience. She maintains a faculty appointment at McMaster University where she teaches in the Masters of Science in Psychotherapy program.