I remember the screening interview for our posting to Belgium. The social worker rifled off a bunch of questions about the challenges and potential issues with OUTCAN. I was confident, (and if I’m perfectly honest, maybe a bit cocky) and tried to reassure her of all of the reasons that we were fully aware and fully prepared for this posting. I remember specifically her questions about the weather. I remember talking about our time in Comox and the fact that my husband is from the West coast. I remember thinking it was a non-issue.
Now, fast forward six months and here we are - smack dab in the middle of our first Belgian winter with all of its rainy glory, dark days, and lack of sunshine. And you know what? It is hard. She was right.
We are all feeling it in our house in some way. I have to say that my son is managing the best and when I took the time to notice this, I started to see why. He has some built in skills that have made him able to thrive here. Here is what I’ve learned from watching my three-year-old thrive this winter.
1) Sun is not needed to have fun. Whether it is pouring rain, or it’s a slippery morning with black ice, my son approaches each day and all weather with the same enthusiasm. Rain is great for splashing, black ice makes an excellent skating rink on the way to school, sunshine makes great shadows, and fog makes the whole world mysterious. My goal is try and approach my days as he does; without disappointment for things beyond my control and with simple joy.
2) Embrace the darkness. While most people are commiserating on the lack of sunshine, my son is relishing the lack of light because it makes shadow puppets and flash lights so much more fun. I am trying to follow his lead and enjoy the way the house looks with a fire or candles lit. Those don’t have nearly the same effect in the daylight.
3) Get creative. In the summer, we spend most of our time outdoors. This winter I’ve watched him make and create more than we ever would in the summer. Sometimes he paints and other times he builds with blocks or his marble maze. He has begun building imaginative Lego machines and he’s an avid fort-builder. Being inside has allowed him this time to create. I need to do the same. I need to dust off the paints, or finally learn to knit. It doesn’t matter what it is or how good it is, as long as I’m creating something … that’s the magical part.
4) Slow down. Life is busy and life OUTCAN seems busier. Maybe just as busy as before but with more speed bumps? Winter is a season with less running and climbing than in the summer, but there are also more books, puzzles, and family movie nights. This pace can be nice. It can give us a break from the chaos if we let it. Faster isn’t always better, I need to remember this.
5) Ask for what you need - especially hugs. I’ve begun to notice that my son is asking for more lately. He wants more hugs, longer goodbyes at school drop off, and endless bedtime cuddles. In the moment, this can be frustrating, but when I think about what he’s doing, it’s a good thing. He’s feeling “needier” than other times and he’s asking for what he needs. He needs more time, more comfort, and more connection. When I think about how gloomy most adults feel in the winter, I’m struck by the simplicity of this one. Wouldn’t we all do better if we had just a little bit more connection from loved ones? Wouldn’t it be better if we as adults were able to ask for what we need as easily as a child can? Would winter feel a little bit less cold if we all just hugged a little more? I’m going to try.