When we were first considering our OUTCAN, I felt like I had lots of questions. The guides that have been created were helpful in some ways but without experiencing the location, a whole lot of the information just didn’t seem to sink in. I read about culture shock and things like the inspection requirements for my vehicle but all of it seemed very surreal and didn’t seem to answer my anxieties. I knew that as the spouse, a lot of my day to day was going to be very different. In addition to the move, I was looking at not working for the first time in 17 years and by the time we were posted, I was pregnant with my second child. The people at our location were very nice and many offered to answer any questions I had. I was put in contact with a few other spouses that had given birth here in Belgium and by most measures, I had access to all the information I could possibly need. But every time I was asked if I had any questions, I was at a loss to try and put into words what I wanted to know.
It was weird. I just didn’t know how to formulate anything tangible.
Even asking people to describe “what it is like” was very much coloured by their individual situation. Some people are not comfortable trying new foods, or changing product brands. To those people, moving to Europe is a mountain of challenges trying to be comfortable – culture shock is a real factor. Then there is the language of the location. Did they speak it? How easy was it for them to ask for help with things? What was/is the Canadian community like? Were their lots of families like theirs? There can be almost as much of a sense of culture shock and isolation just being the odd family out and as every year new people arrive and old people leave, the community can change quite rapidly. Even things like where your kids (if you have them) will be going to school can change how you fit in. Are they at an international school with other parents like you living away from their home country? Or will they go to a local school where they will be immersed in the new language and get a chance to meet people from all over the place and most especially your host nation? All of these things were questions I probably could have asked but I just couldn’t wrap by brain around them or the impact they would have to me.
Then there is the shift, often during the second year in your new community, especially as new people arrive, when you feel like you are the “old hat”. It was about this time for me that I started to realize I was feeling like my host nation was as much home as any other Canadian city to which we had been posted. So many of the differences become common parts of every day life that it also became harder to help new people find their footing without throwing way too much information at people who were just trying to get settled. All of a sudden, I realized that it is just not possible to really feel prepared to move.
My anxieties about moving for the most part, were things I just had to take with me and figure out once I hit the ground. The House Hunting Trip (HHT), actually helped a lot. I was able to form real pictures of my new neighbourhood, get a tour of a few schools for our older one (3 yrs old at the time of our move), and start to connect with people already here. Of course, there were lots of things I had to figure out a bit of the hard way once we moved but they all helped in making me feel more confident that OUTCAN was going to be a really great experience. I often wonder if there were ways I could have been better prepared. Could I have asked more questions, or should I have been more comfortable asking questions of the existing community once we arrived? Probably, but each person needs to find their own way of adjusting. As an “old hat”, I am also realizing that new people need to find their own way too. I am happy to offer my help, but if they should choose not to accept it, that is not a slight on my knowledge, but is probably more about them feeling just as overwhelmed as I was and needing to figure a few things out for themselves before feeling comfortable. We are all adults trying to feel competent handling our new environment!
So, what do you ask? Anything and nothing. Somethings we just have to figure out as we go and there are absolutely no stupid questions. OUTCAN will be an adjustment, for sure, but with all the amazing opportunities it has most definitely been an adjustment that I have been happy to make. It isn’t always easy but it is these times that really make us grow. And there are always others around who are more than happy to help when you need an extra hand or someone to listen!