I tend to talk a really good game when it comes to self-care. I find resources and share them encouraging others in our community to take the time and that we are worth that time for ourselves. But, when it comes to taking my own advice, I fall more into the do as I say not as I do column.
Last year, during the pandemic, I started working out and was actively trying to eat better than my typical diet of chicken fingers, pizza and french fries. I started running and doing several small workout routines throughout the day to become more flexible and stronger. I was taking active steps towards a healthier me and I over a few months, I saw results.
I participated in the OUTCAN Europe Virtual Pride 5k with my family and actually ran the whole thing. I was feeling the best I had in a long time.
But then, I started working and stopped making time for myself. I used work as an excuse and stopped running, then I stopped doing the small workouts and gradually slipped back into eating all the things my five-year-old self loves but my nearly 40-year-old body doesn’t.
I tried again in the Spring to get back into the swing of things. I got up even earlier but found myself tired, and cranky. So, working out was abandoned again. Then, I tried again and I don’t know why, but I was downright angry. Just unbelievably angry! I would wake up angry and workout angry and be very unpleasant to be near. This lasted all of two days before I decided I was done.
It’s been a few months since my abandonment of working out. My husband, who runs and works out nearly everyday, reminds me that I felt good when I worked out. I was more confident and generally I was much happier.
Today, I had some time to myself and as I was wondering out loud which London attraction I was going to explore, my husband casually mentioned, “why don’t you go for a run?” I snapped back with a “well, maybe I will.” response which was sarcastic and clearly with a tone that indicated I really had no intention of working out. But then later, I found myself thinking well, why not. Why don’t I go for a run?
So, I downloaded a running program that will have me running three days a week, which sounded easy enough. I went for a run, and while my calves were burning, it actually wasn’t horrible. I came home and instead of just quickly having a shower and sitting down on the couch to watch TV or scroll my Instagram or Facebook feed and eat all the horrible things that look amazing, I took some extra time for a little self-care that I haven’t in ages. I donned a sea-weed face mask that I got in my stocking at Christmas, used a pumice stone to pamper my feet that I got last year for my birthday, and painted my nails a brilliant scarlet red. These were all things that didn’t take much effort, but have left me feeling a little more rejuvenated and refreshed.
And this feeling of being refreshed, I know will translate into me being more present for my family and not trying to tune them out or just want to be left alone when they get home later. I’ve realized that taking that hour or so for me today, will mean there is more of me for them later.
While I have started and stopped several times, I am hopeful that this time it will stick. That I will start taking my own advice and look for those little ways I can take care of myself, so I can take better care of the ones who mean the most to me.